Leafing Through

Quote of the Month

"Here, would you like Sons and Lovers to prop that up with?"

On Literature or Not

          I miss blogging.  I’ve been behind.  I miss writing about things that I’m doing and books that I’m reading.  I’ve been busy trying to keep my house together since my husband has deployed.  For those of you who haven’t experienced this phenomenon let me explain to you what happens when my husband leaves for extended periods of time (which he often does). Things Fall Apart, and not in a Chinua Achebe kind of way. The house always has its own little nervous breakdown when he leaves.  I’m a handy kind of gal but when I have to go under the house and fix a new thing on a weekly basis, while fixing the snow blower, things get a little overwhelming.  And now…now the dog seems to have some sort of shedding disorder. I’ll be calling the vet about that tomorrow.  When I get home make dinner, walk the dog and fix whatever else has broken down, I really still have the time to write but not the spirit.  I’m not usually one to complain about the fact that my husband is gone so much.  We don’t have children, he’s in the Guard so we aren’t away from family or friends. I have a nice house.  On the other hand he is gone a LOT.  I don’t think that it started to bug me until recently. We have never been together much.  When we first started dating he lived 40 miles away from me and worked nights but we made the effort and saw each other frequently.  Then I moved to the city and he stayed there, making it 180 miles away and him working nights and me going to college and working.  After September 11^th happened he was deployed to guard the airport in Juneau, making it 519 miles or an hour and a half by air for six months.  We then lived together for a little over a year, during which he was frequently gone to the lower 48 for military schools.  In September of 2003 we were married in a small ceremony.  The following May we had a big marriage ceremony in Montana so that his family could be there (he’s an only child mind you).  The day after he moved to Arizona or maybe it was Utah or someplace…maybe Texas? I can’t remember now for a few months for another military school.  Then he was home for a bit He was then deployed 18 months to Baghdad.  He came home and was gone three or four months the next year for a military school.  Now, he is redeployed to Iraq and will be home in July-ish.  (Do you like how specific that is?  The military really likes to make life easy).  Anyway, I love my husband.  I do.  He is the only man that I ever met that hasn’t bored me to tears.  I won’t lie to you: we fight. A LOT.  Probably an unhealthy amount in fact.  The strain that his absence has caused on our marriage is a problem.  How much of a problem?  I honestly don’t know yet.  What I do know is that what they don’t tell you about a soldier returning home could fill several books.  Yes, they tell you to look out for post-traumatic stuff, blah blah blah. What they don’t tell you is that your soldier will be incapable of making simple decisions such as what would they like to wear or eat or do.  For over a year someone has made that choice for them.  No life decisions are necessary while they’re deployed. Sure they may have to decide on life saving things but not what kind of vegetable they’d like to have for dinner, or what movie they’d like to see for date night or what night they’d like to have date night on or what color of socks they’d like to wear that day.

With him gone so much I often think of us as trees.  Have you ever seen a grafted tree? Two trees made into one, growing together, eating the same nutrients, feeding off of the same system?  Well that’s like most married people, they grow together, even if its apart they still grow along the same branches.  We’re more like two trees who are growing too close to each other.  We’re a bit in the way of each other, entwining here and there but essentially still two very separate trees who are fighting for the same resources. 

            Why am I sharing this all with you? Well it’s my blog. My place to write and this is what has been on my mind lately. But after everything I still miss writing about books.  So the next post will be about that.